The [Virtue] of Patience

The popular sayings and quotations advocate that "patience is a virtue", or "good things come to those who wait". And so it is true in many things. Patience is needed when baking a pie, waiting for a picture to develop,   or a letter to arrive. There is no amount of pacing, action, or coaxing that will make these things go faster.

Is patience always the right remedy though? Are we forever expected to sit patiently and wait for whatever it is that is supposed to happen next? Is there such a thing as too much patience? What if we wait to long and the thing we were waiting for passes like a whisper without us ever knowing it was there.

At some point, with some things, it seems that patience is a weakness. Waiting for the universe to put the pieces together, instead of working to find the ones that fit by yourself.

When is it time to stop being patient, to stop waiting, to stop expecting that what is meant to happen will happen on it's own? When is it time to take the initiative and make your future? Start the fire? At least point yourself in a direction...even if it isn't the right one...at least you would be traveling. Making progress.

At what point is patience no longer the virtue. No longer the right answer.

Soul Mates. Or. The Other Shoe

How do we know when we have found the right one? The one who is the perfect compliment for ourselves? The one who has everything we lack and lacks everything we have? How do you know when to say..."yes, you'll do, you'll do just fine".

I think probably, it goes like this:

One day, you decide you need new shoes. You know what you like, and from experience you know what you don't. You will already have found out what styles pinch your toes, which ones make your ankles look funny, and which brand seems to fit perfectly at first...but once you walk around for awhile, they make your feet hurt so much you could cry.

So, you go out on a search and finally (perhaps after 1 store, perhaps after 23) you find shoes that fit you just right. They are the perfect color, they hold your feet like a hug. "These will go perfectly with all the pants I own" you will say in elation. " I can wear these to any occasion if I want". You think for a moment that you wish you had found something with buckles. The thought is fleeting though, and disappears almost before you knew it was there.

You pat yourself on the back with pride for finding the perfect shoes. "Won't mother be proud" you say to yourself, "won't my friends be impressed".

You take your shoes home with the knowledge that there is no need to search any longer. You are giddy with satisfaction that you have found the perfect pair.

Sometime later, while you are strolling along in your shoes, you will catch a glimpse of something in a window across the street...you will stare through wide and hazy eyes at a beautiful pair of shoes...with buckles.

Be warned dear one, don't look too long. You have already spent all your money on the first pair of shoes.

Trust Backwards is Untrust

Erikson's first stage of psychosocial development is trust versus mistrust. It lays forth the idea that a child who successfully develops trust between birth and one year of age, will feel safe and secure in the world they live in. On the flip side, failure to develop trust could result in a person bound with the belief that the world is inconsistent  Unpredictable.

In all honesty though...when does this stage really end? Does one ever cease to be tested on the development of trust?
It can be assumed, perhaps, that Erikson didn't define trust in the way a majority of people do. rather, he seemed to refer to trust as a general reaction. a reaction to an event which is based on an instinct learned from experience(s) early in life.

Oxford dictionary defines trust as; a firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something. To trust someone (or something) is to commit to the safe keeping of: [a valuable], [a secret], [a promise], [a heart].

It seems the stage of trust vs. mistrust is perpetual. Ever changing, moving, developing. There will forever be a constant string of events that will test us. That will decide which side of  Erikson's stage we will fall on.

Rock. Paper. Scissors. Trust.
Choose wisely.

The Wrong Soul-mate

A soul-mate seems to be the prize at the end of humanities ultimate quest. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. The reward for countless hours spent preening to impress. Compensations for heart break. Satisfaction after an endless uphill battle.

How do you know when you have found "the one". It feels unfair that there would be only one. Like the cards are stacked against you and the universe gets to sit back and have a good laugh as she watches you scurry around, turning over the proverbial rocks in search for the person who will complete your life. The being whose pulse only begins to beat through them, when yours pauses.

Maybe there is more than one match to your mold. Perhaps the universe has crafted a handful of appropriate counterparts, all fitted for a different period in your life...how considerate that would be.

But then...a new question arises: How would you know if you have grown out of the partner made for whichever stage of life you happen to be in? Does a bell ring? Does someone stand up in a crowd and holler "SWITCH"? Or do we continue to travel along our beaten path, carrying the wrong soul-mate?

Triple A's

Attention, attraction, and affection have been viciously circling my mind in endless competition for importance. Each one seems needed in order to gain a sense of contentedness, fulfillment, adventure. Yet it is a never ending battle attempting to keep a grasp on all three at once.

Each need is elusive at times while simultaneously bound to another. How can attraction be so easy to find when affection hides in the shadows waiting for attention to spawn it's development?

As humans, we need attention, long for attraction, and fight for affection. is it possible to have all three? A trinity of enlightened existence?

Attraction can be assumed as the constant emotion from which attention or affection can bloom. One twists, morphs, develops and transforms into the other.
Do they dare be caught together? Their differences, both in definition and sensation, are vast...but do not exist.

 

Life and Chess - Part 2: The Queen

In chess it is beneficial to the player to keep the queen active in the game as long as possible. The queen has the longest range of movement, and is able to move in most any direction. 

In life, the queen represents the person you can depend on anytime you need them. The person who, if your life is in check (so to speak) will dart across the board to help you out of a sticky situation.

Unlike in chess, life's queen is not always easily identifiable. In some cases, the queen might be a parent, a sibling. The bonds in those relationships are undeniable and are, for some, the strongest relationships a person will form in their lifetime.

Perhaps the queens position is held by not one person, but many in the span of a persons life. As we travel through our various stages of maturing, a person we can depend on may morph from one form into another in order to most adequately fit the current stage.

In any case, the presence of the queen is priceless. The confidant, the conscious, the comforter, the person that possesses the ability to guide you through any situation. A person who knows when to push just a little harder on the limits of emotion, and knows when to pull back and try again later is invaluable. Indispensable.  

The queen is very possibly the most important person in your life and in some cases, can make the difference between winning a game and losing it. The trick, of course, is finding the queen hiding amongst the rest of the world. Realizing the purpose that can be served by paying attention to their wisdom.

Cheater, Cheater

From virtually the moment we learn to speak, we learn from our peers that "no one likes a cheater". A child who cheats in any playground game is taunted and called a pumpkin eater.

As we grow older, cheating transforms from peeking during hide and seek, to cheating 'the system', stacking the deck, hiding a mistress. We want to posses the ability to constantly have our cake, and eat it too.

Damages are most easily measured when we cheat in games. Usually monetary loss (or gain) is the most obvious. Cheating on a lover...though not as black and white, produces far more long term and devastating destruction.

Trust, respect, honor, self esteem, friendship, lively-hood, love. The cheater my lose everything in the pursuit for more than what they perceive they posses.

The damages in love are not insured, guaranteed, or under warranty. Cheating in love is forever. The loss is permanent.